Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Why FWB is bullshit.

Has anyone ever has a successful friends with benefits (FWB) experience where everyone came out just as happy, if not happier than they were before? No? I didn’t think so. Maybe it’s just the people I know, or the places I’ve lived, but I’ve never seen that kind of “no strings” relationship work out for the best then have the two split amicably. Here’s why:

1. Science: 
It’s only natural for stupid chemicals to get released when you sleep with someone. Now, I’m no scientist- but this shit is pretty well know. I think I learned it in seventh grade sex ed, to tell you the truth. Those chemicals make you feel closer to the person that you just banged, simulating “love”. It makes sense for survival. Just think if a tiger broke into you apartment, it would be helpful for you to have an ally (that would also want to protect your potential child that doesn’t exist, again, thanks to science). But as it turns out, you two aren’t in love with each other, but you start acting stupid because one of you just want the other to feel the same, then shit gets weird and one of you changes your phone number and blocks you on facebook and... see- nothing good comes of it. 

2. Reason:
I’d like to believe people are reasonable creatures. I’m proven wrong often, but it hasn’t caused me to give up hope yet. We all know, deep down, that sex is something important. I’m all for safe and consensual sex with whomever you chose to sleep with (free love, man), but we are built to use it to propagate the species, to form strong bonds within communities and ultimately, it’s our key form of survival. So we have tens of thousands of years of nature we are trying to fight against when we sleep with someone and expect absolutely nothing to happen. That just seems unreasonable. Most of us know that going in to it. We know there is always that chance that we will feel something for the other person when the other person doesn’t. We know that the other person may feel something for us when we don’t. We know that nasty emotions such as jealousy and resentment are totally plausible (to the point of expect) in these situations.

As you can see, there is a bit of evidence stacked against the idea (I’m sure there’s more, but carpal tunnel is acting up). I’m sure someone somewhere has made this kind of FWB bulls* work out before, but I have yet to see it. Maybe I’m just a bitter person surrounded by equally bitter friends, but I kind of view a successful FWB relationship like I view God: If I don’t see it for myself, right in front of me (preferably singing show tunes), it doesn’t exist no matter how much you believe. 

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