Sunday, March 9, 2014

5 Ways to Escape an Awkward Situation

Another post originally published on thought catalog:

1. Start dancing (pt. 1):

Potty dancing that is! No one will question you if you sneak off to the bathroom (or outside for a cigarette) if you do the potty dance for a few minutes. Though it only gives you a few minutes of reprieve lest you want the group to think you’re pooping. Your return after 20 minutes would perhaps make the awkward situation more so when the conversation suddenly turns to bowl movements.

2. Drop a contact: 

I’ve seriously tried this one several times and it works 100% of the time. And I don’t even wear contacts. All you have to do is shriek, grab your eye and say, “Shit! My contact fell out!” If anyone questions you, accuse them of not ever listening when you talk (“How could you not remember that I went to the optometrist last week?!), and they will shut up and help you look. Once everyone is searching the ground, just back away slowly and take off. By the time the realize you’re gone, you will be half way through your second glass of wine and able to deal with them again.

3. Point and run: 

My favorite in College was to scream, “To the ballroom!” while pointing in a random direction then taking off. Everyone is so confused that no one follows you.

4. Convulsions (not recommended): 

Drop to the floor and start convulsing for a few seconds, get up, and excuse yourself saying that you forgot to take your medicine and need to go. Again, no one will question it. But you could end up in the hospital, and that isn’t fun. So I don’t recommend it unless the situation is dire- like meeting your boyfriend’s ultra-conservative parents.

5. Start dancing (pt.2): 

This one is more fun. Grab an invisible animal of your choice and start waltzing all while singing “I’m dancing with a grizzly bear (or whatever animal you want to dance with)!” You can just waltz yourself right out of the group- and you will seem to crazy for anyone to want to follow. 

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